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139,354 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Hey. This was great! It started off wonderfully with good length. It gradually got better and better as I read further on. Beautifully written throughout and wonderful choice of words. I loves the last two or three lines mentioning the holding on-Fantastic conclusion. I hope to read more of your work in the future. Keep up the good work!
MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter(ROC)
Hey. I thought this was great. I understood what you were saying, and felt what you were trying to put across. I thought the idea of holding on was great, and that you finished off really well. The only thing I have to say, is that at some parts, the poem seemed a choppy, only because some of the lines seemed to go on too long. But other than that, I thought it was really good.
This poem was good and has a lot of potential. The imagery was good and the emotions, fairly strong. However, sometimes the flow seemed faltered.
I think this line is too long; this stopped the flow a little.Here's an example:
Same for this line. These are just two examples. You might want to go through the poem and pay close attention to the flow. Also spellchecker said unforetold wasn't a word.
Overall: Like I said this was a good poem. The emotions and imagery were nice. And the theme was conveyed strongly. However, the flow could use a little work. Fix up the flow a little, and I believe you can have a poem truly special. P.M. me if you need any thing or another review. Best of luck with your writing~bluewaterlily.